The journey so far...

Some Holiday Cheer!

2008-12-23T10:25:00.006-05:00

What is better than a three day work-week? A two-day work-week of course! Imagine my happiness when I discover today morning that I don't have to come to work tomorrow.

Shiny gift wrappers and satin bows litter peoples' desks from opened presents while there are people walking around with gift bags with yet undelivered goodies. I can even spot a few Santa hats around. There is definite holiday spirit in the air. Who would feel like working when you know that you have a 12-day vacation coming up? I can see my people's eyes glazing over with holiday plans as they stare at the computer screens in front of them (well...at least mine are!).

I love this time of the year- yes it sure is cold, but a holiday wish shouted down the hallway or a brand new unexpected gift sitting on your table warms you up like butterbeer (Courtesy: Harry Potter). There is something about giving and receiving gifts- the feeling that you are remembered - that gladdens you immensely, don't you think?!

Have fun people! Happy Holidays!

"Priceless"- a la Mastercard

2008-12-22T08:53:00.009-05:00

Last Friday was one of the worst days you could have picked for going on a long drive. It snowed pretty much the entire day which transformed to freezing rain by the end of the day, which I assure you is no better. And one thing I have not understood about Long Island is how these guys (I mean the municipality or whatever you call them here) are never (never ever!!) prepared for things like this. There is very little salt on the roads (do they run out every year?!!!), no snow plows in considerable abundance, and minuscule amount of emergency vehicles. On top of this another thing that vexes me beyond belief is the attitude of some drivers at times like these. I mean when everybody is doing 15-20 mph these guys zoom past you at 50 mph on the highway burying your windshield in sleet and slush putting themselves and people around them in danger (they have the nerve to honk at you and flash their lights as if it were you that was holding them up). Anyways as I was saying on a day like this you don't choose to go on a scenic drive- pretty much everybody who can, works from home or those who are unfortunate like me, go to work, but leave early like smart people should and get home to a cozy cup of coffee and warm socks.

So why did I drive 40 miles through inches of snow and sleet, you ask. I was going to see my niece - in 4D to top it (the 4th dimension is time-as in Einstein's space-time frame). That's right - my sister is having a baby girl and we all wanted to see how she looked. She is beautiful and she put on a terrific show for us- yawning, stretching, kicking and smiling :). Awesome!!!!

Conclusion: Gas for driving 40 miles-$3.00. Mental aggravation-beyond measure. Skill for negotiating frozen roads and irate drivers-quite considerable. But that one smile of her's- aah priceless!

2008-12-12T08:50:00.004-05:00

The following is an extract from a blog entry that I wrote on June 26th, 2007 in Rediff.

Why?

"I am writing after a long time. Though I claimed to be lazy and killed my previous blog, I needed to vent out. I do not want any comments, no sympathy, no advice. I am simply writing for my own needs.

Yesterday's incidents have left me with a feeling of absolute helplessness. Innocent bystanders getting killed in bomb blasts for some far fetched reason that only the most screwed up of human minds can conceive is simply beyond me. I fail to understand the purpose behind waging a war against people who are least connected with it. It leaves me with absolutely no hope in the ways of right or wrong.

And there comes the ever present debate where was God when these many people got massacred? It shakes up my permanent belief that there is somebody looking over us all and is there to set scales straight. But somehow I get the irrepressible feeling that this is an all consuming vortex, and I don't know when and how all this will end"

Sounds like a nightmare from hell..Only this time there was a sequel on November 26th and more casualties than before. I could not do anything but watch in horror at what was happening.

Sleeping beauty

2008-10-14T06:30:00.002-04:00

There we were, sitting in the conference room, right after lunch, and I see my colleague serenely nodding off. I hate meetings/conference calls after lunch. There is an all pervasive dullness during that time of the day. Well anyway, not to digress- we were doing an important technical presentation for a client. I had several possible options open to me- I could-

-Determinedly look anywhere except at him
-Give a hard poke in his ribs (without attracting others' attention of course)
-Surreptitiously glance at him every now and then, while you yourself try to hang on to your last vestiges of consciousness

I chose option 1. After about 15 minutes though, I couldn't resist the temptation, so I quickly stole a glance. His head gave a particularly violent wobble and his eyes jerked open. He quickly looked around the table and caught me looking at him. Supremely embarrassing! I should have picked option 2.

It is one of those things....

2008-10-06T19:43:00.000-04:00

A part of a diary of an Israeli astronaut on board the Columbia space shuttle reached earth after managing to survive the extreme cold and then the explosion. Currently, it is on display in a museum in Israel. And guess where the diary fell when the space shuttle disintegrated- a place called Palestine, ok not the Palestine, but Palestine, Texas. It is one of those little things..

PS: Read about it here.

What inspires you?

2008-09-25T16:47:00.008-04:00

Although I do play the occasional freecell or websudoku at work (are you smirking? ok...not so occasional then), I do consider myself a sincere worker. But my boss, believe it or not never seems to do anything else except work and right when I am at the crucial moment of filling in the last cell in sudoku, 'PING' comes an email (well...that could be the sound of my guilty conscience as well) from the boss, with the link to the interesting idea that I didn't have the misfortune to think about.

I absolutely revere my boss. Both back in India and here I have had the good fortune to work with some freakishly intelligent people. They think two steps ahead of you, have the most crazy ideas that, amazingly work and are...well at least for the most part-humble.

So last week when I got a chance to do an experiment with him (he usually is so busy that it is difficult to get him down to the lab) I jumped for joy. He thinks on his feet and to watch him work is like watching a form of art taking shape. According to him, doing an experiment is not the most important part, but rather thinking how to do it, is. And this guy just thinks of everything humanly possible that could go wrong and, surprise,surprise comes up with an answer....

I think it would suffice to say that he definitely inspires me to look forward to going back to work everyday. And for the most part keeps me away from too much orkutting, blogging, sudokuing and any other google product designed with the sole intent of testing your concentration at work.

I am humbled

2008-09-17T09:38:00.001-04:00

I was never great shakes at cooking (I know, I know.... the S(outh) I(ndian) M(arriageability) index just slid down several notches). Have I mentioned that I am pretty impatient (probably several times) as well? Anything that takes longer than 5 whole minutes to accomplish, sorely tests me. That combination does not bode well in a south Indian kitchen.

So, as a self-improvement project I decided to make 'dosa' a couple of weekends ago (for those who have absolutely no idea what a dosa is, I suggest you read this ). The most difficult part is making the batter. Since I was doing this the first time in my life, I thought I will make it easier on myself. So I went to the Indian store and purchased a jar of ready-made, refrigerated dosa mix.

Technically, the most difficult part was over (but little did I know, that in another couple of hours I would be doubting the very validity of my PhD). I started by testing the consistency of the batter and it didn't feel at all like what Mom had in her kitchen. I steadied my wildly thumping heart and said to myself 'It's not a big deal, I'll just add some water'- basic dilution, bring down the molarity and so forth, whipped it a little and began making the first dosa (for someone who can whip up recipes for making nanostructured metal oxides, this was a totally new realm). After about five minutes of panicked praying, it remained a resolute whitish shade of yellow on the pan, shriveled up a little around the edges and looked as unlike a dosa as ever. I assured myself saying 'It should to be like this, this is your first time'. Several tense minutes and 4 dosas later, I realized I simply was not built for this. By this time, I was feeling pretty hungry, and I didn't even have my regular lunch standby (cereal) at home. Feeling desperate, I steeled myself, settled down on soft ground (what if I took a bite and keeled right over) and tasted my first dosa. Well, the truth was that it didn't taste that bad but the texture was all wrong (felt more like cardboard). Thankfully I belong to that category of people who even though can't cook well, are not blessed with that epicurean love for food. I didn't have the patience to do a complete failure analysis and calling Mom at that time meant probably a few well chosen words about the time of day. So I decided to wait it out and in the meantime finished up the rest of my handiwork while wondering whether there was a specific gene that bestowed you with chef-like cooking abilities. I mean, come on, my mother is a Doctor, she sings, dances, is an amazing cook. If even one of those nanometer sized nucleic acids had transferred to me, I would not have this blog entry.

Anyways, I called my mom the next day, and she did have a few well-chosen words for me, about how I never hung out in the kitchen and all, but I carefully steered the conversation to the problem at hand, laid out the facts and asked her what had gone wrong. "The batter must not have had enough 'venthayam', pat came the answer. Apparently that is the stuff that makes the dosa all soft and unlike cardboard. Who knew?

I could now go back to blaming the batter, curse the Indian store heartily, and not worry about the genes that were still dormant in me. I mean I am only 26, still plenty of time left right?

Sunscreen, sandals and sand dunes!

2008-08-25T12:53:00.000-04:00

What a perfect weekend! Even the rain clouds that lingered ominously on Sunday morning seemed to lose heart around mid-morning giving way to a gorgeously beautiful day. The drive was long, sometimes notoriously slow, but it was absolutely worth it- the trip to Montauk, at the eastern tip of Long Island. The drive took us (me and M) through some of the reputedly “rich” areas of New York State, where “THE” parties happen and “THE” people hang out. But to me, it was just a beautiful drive where rolling meadows, vineyards and rows of fields with sunflowers and corn dotted the roadsides.

Montauk itself is so happily appointed on a hill and on a sunny day the sight of the white waves crashing on to the rocky shores, against a seemingly endless blue sky is sure to lift to anybody’s spirits. 137 spiral steps and several cramped muscles later we were on top of the famous Montauk lighthouse and the view was to die for.

Being on long island for four years, I had never visited the open ocean before and the stagnant ‘sound’ is kind of dull when you have been used to foot high waves of the Bay of Bengal. Finally standing on the beach with the Atlantic Ocean crashing around my feet, I felt like a kid in a candy store. Thankfully the beach was not that crowded, and it took a lot of persuasion from M to make me move. Left to myself, I would have stayed there for a really long time.

A walk along the beach bare feet and another scenic coast-side drive later, we were in another beach where the white sand dunes offered the perfect contrast to the blue sea. We rented a beach umbrella, dabbed copious amounts of sunscreen, adjusted our shades and went to sleep, with the sound of the giant sea monster roaring in our ears. Bliss!

At the end of the day it was easy to ignore the aching muscles (not so much today, I am still wincing) and sand in our hair. The stuff that legendary weekends are made of..Truly!

Oh I almost forgot- the icing on the cake- picnic lunch that included home-made pav bhaji :).

The Resurrection

2008-08-21T07:12:00.012-04:00

I hope the title says it all. I feel like writing again. "There she goes again!", some may say, but seriously, I feel like writing again. I read my very first post and thought that that could have been written way better. I observed a very subtle, time-based transition in the quality of writing. So if nothing else, I can at least improve the way I write.

A lot has happened in the three years that this blog has been dormant. For one the elusive PhD is over...yeah I graduated :). I have a job..yay! India has a new Prime Minister ;). My bamboo is almost a feet tall. Ok you get the picture. So it is time that I take an active stand and comment on such important things like my alarm clock's snooze button. Heh!

Yes. I don't know whether snooze buttons on alarm clocks have been around for a long time, but believe me they are a godsend. The extra fifteen minutes of sleep that I get snoozing feels wonderful. It is almost as if you have been given the gift of time. You eventually get up later than planned (Great! get stuck in traffic on the way to work), but you can at least tell yourself that you make an effort (almost everyday ;)). Back home, my Dad was the 'snoozer'. He would patiently come and 'try' to wake me up at frequent intervals. I am not a morning person. But unfortunately, for two straight years, I had to get up at 4 every morning (if you have spent your high school years in India, you'll know why too) to read about things like the 'Van de Graff generator' or the 'trajectory of a projectile' and so forth (physics can be interesting, but some of the topics are just plain abstract, especially at 4 in the morning). I won't digress from the main point here. There my Dad was, waiting to wake me up with a cup of coffee (which was reheated every 10 minutes), and I would keep saying 'another 5 minutes' Dad. Well, it has been 9 years since then, and the 'begging for extra time' bit has not changed. Long live 'SNOOZE' bars.

Phew....that's a start...right? It feels good to be back.

Vrooooommmm.....

2005-10-25T11:21:00.000-04:00

Hey check these out. Aren't they cool?

2005-10-24T16:25:00.000-04:00

There is something wrong with the "comments" section in blogger. It does not get updated properly. Mine was also showing only 9 comments (while in reality there were 11) a few minutes ago. Now tis ok. This is a problem that I have noticed in quite a few blogs. The point is if you do not want miss any comments do not rely on what the link says. Keep checking regularly.
Regards
K

How I wish!!!

2005-10-16T19:27:00.000-04:00

After almost a week, the giant water taps have finally been turned off and the dryer turned on. Well I was alluding to the rain and the sun. It was a nice and pleasant day yesterday. On my way back home from the lab I decided to take the campus bus and as a reward I was dumped unceremoniously in the huge parking lot on campus where the buses are usually refuelled. There is nothing unique about that place. It is infact quite ubiquitous except for the fact that yesterday there were people flying airplanes in the p lot. Ok they were the miniature models. So what one might ask....... anything that flies against gravity amazes me endlessly. I am a person who thinks that the airplanes are one of the most wonderful of human inventions. I love flying. The pleasure I derive when the airplane lifts off, and I feel a familiar pull behind my navel as if somebody were drawing me with a hook, is immense. How I wish I could also fly like a bird....

As I write this post I recall some of the memorable moments that I would like to put down here. I always used to run up to the terrace at my home whenever I heard the familiar thunder of jet engines. I would sit there staring at the trails of white left behind these monstrous birds. I often dreamt of flying a plane once myself. But strangely Iam also afraid of heights, the bundle of contradictions that I am. Days passed by and I still used to gape whenever I heard an airplane.

The incident I mention here is pretty recent. I was working in Hyderabad and I had gone out with a colleague of mine (he was a senior scientist and my boss). There came the usual sound from above and involuntarily my head lifted up and when the plane had passed, each of us was looking at the other with a sheepish grin on our faces. For I realised that day, that we shared a common passion. In fact he had done a lot of research and had even considered taking professional flying lessons, only dropping it when he found that they were too expensive. He realised that I was infatuated with the concept of flying and when I resigned the job to come here, he and another colleague gifted me with two of the best books I have ever read on flying "Biplanes" and " A gift of wings" by Richard Bach. Apparently Bach was a pilot himself. Lucky guy.sigh......

Anyways I never thought I would fly in a plane much less relish every minute of it. I am eagerly waiting for the next time I can fly, which is when I fly back home. A double treat huh ;)...

Coffee mugs and me....

2005-10-15T17:51:00.000-04:00

How can such extraordinary incidents not grace the beautiful pages of my blog.I should have decided long ago that coffee mugs (the ceramic ones) were not for me. Me and coffee mugs were not made for each other. But I like the biggest dumbo won't yield to such trivial incidents. Ok I know. I still have to explain the circumstances leading to the mysterious opening statement.

Well it is nothing much. Its just that I seem to have very bad streak of luck with my coffee mugs. One may wonder why anybody would have more than one mug. It is just that I went on buying a new one after each one broke, thinking that atleast that would stay. To tell the truth one of them even was a gift. And it is nobody's fault that the cups broke.

I realised after many painful moments of reconcilation, in which I had to collect the broken shards of an object that had so many memories associated with it, that I simply was not made for it.I should from here onwards resist my urge to buy a new one. I should probably consider a steel cup instead. It would not break you see :)

Accidents and Intellects

2005-10-06T12:51:00.000-04:00

I have got this new urge to write short staccato bursts on various topics that all my blogs will be short and simple for some time atleast to come.

I was walking down to my lab and I was contemplating whether scientific discoveries are accidental or are they the results of years and years of intellectual premeditation. I guess you have both kinds. Sir Issac Newton was day dreaming or rather having an afternoon siesta when an apple planted itself on his head with not too less force. Something snapped inside him then that lead to the world famous discovery of gravity. But nobody knows whether he used to think about it prior to that incident.

So why I brought that up was because many a times I stumble on to something important in the lab by sheer accident and that makes me feel guilty. "I should have thought of this before myself", I tell myself. Were all these years of education wasted on me? I don't know. Sometimes I do think and plan out an experiment (not that it always works). But then at those times I feel satisfied that my knowledge has been put to proper use, even if the experiment does not go as I planned. Couple of days ago I read that the Nobel Prize in Medicine was awarded to two Australian doctors who discovered that ulcers were caused by bacteria, partly by accident, the news report said in brackets. So does that make them feel atleast a wee bit more guilty because they cannot take full credit to the invention. I don't know. I should probably find out ;) I should also mention that one of the doctors in the duo swallowed a solution containing the bacteria and infected himself just to prove his point(because prior to this discovery it was widely belived that ulcers were primarily the result of stress). I bow down to his commitment and dedication.

Another post ;)

2005-10-02T19:18:00.000-04:00

Two posts in a day!!! wow that must be a miracle. Anyways, this was something which I wrote yesterday and could not publish coz the blogger was down. I felt that it must be sort of an omen, that I was not supposed to write ;) Anyways here it is

I have always had a very fertile imagination. As I read a story, I would conjure up images of the characters, of the places. As I hear somebody speak about something I would attribute faces to the people in question (although I didnot necessarily know them).But when people talk about the past I somehow always end up imagining things in B&W (black and white). I can never imagine the past in color. Their clothes are in various shades of gray, the places are dark and dull.Is it strange? I do not know. I have never bothered finding out.Perhaps it is because Iam used to seeing the photos from the good old days in black and white.Perhaps it is the effect of a lot of old B&W movies. Well the point is that although there is always a face for a person in my mind, there is no color in the past.

Hmm I donot know whether that was mindblowing or complete trash. But thought would just share it with ya all.

Lets talk about it!!!

2005-10-02T19:01:00.000-04:00

"I am frustrated. Frustrated at my inability to communicate what it is I do. When meeting people at a party, I struggle after initial pleasantries have turned to the topic of occupations. ‘Doctor’, ‘teacher’, or ‘lawyer’ immediately tell everything about a profession in a single word. The day-to-day routine, the difficulties faced, and the difference they make are all instantly recognizable. I, on the other hand, watch eyes slowly glaze over while I try to explain materials science. In avoiding scientific terms, I am left grasping at half-sensible analogies while making increasingly fraught gestures with my hands.

I am also puzzled. Why is science communication so difficult? Surely, a large part of science is explaining how new findings reinforce or alter our current picture of how things are, how they work, or how they can be made to work? I also believe there is an increasing public appetite for science. Biomedical discoveries or images from the extremities of the solar system are now front-page news, and often the only ‘good’ news. Physics – that notoriously ‘difficult’ science – currently has a high profile with the World Year of Physics. In fact, it is hard to escape Einstein just now, with even comedy shows and dance performances celebrating his famous three papers of 1905.

Not only must researchers confront the barrier of people not bothering to understand, but these fast-paced, media-saturated times mean that only simple messages resonate. Often, reporting concentrates not on the results themselves but what they may lead to in future, as that is what the layperson can appreciate in the available time. So, it is very easy to oversell the science, going too far in ‘sexing up’ a story: fuel cells will solve our clean energy needs; stem cells will cure Parkinson's.

There are difficult debates to be had where science must face wider ethical issues or various personally held values. This includes the potential risks of exposure to free, engineered nanoparticles, balancing security with civil rights in developing ever more pervasive sensing technologies, and the disposal of nuclear waste. Here, societal involvement is absolutely necessary. If science experts are still to be heard and trusted, then open, honest communication is critical. That includes elaborating on the research process, the available evidence, and the inherent uncertainties."

I flicked that article from a magazine called "Materials Today". That was the editorial. I read it and I immediately could connect to it. When people ask me what I do for a living I have to hmmm.....haanhhhh......scratch my head before I can effectively communicate what is it that I do. Communicating in science is very important to bring in to focus such abstract (they are not so abstract to me) topics. Lets talk about it.

2005-09-25T21:11:00.000-04:00

I thought I would never write again. After the persistent efforts of my two ardent fans (! ;) ), I felt I should drop in a line or two to clarify my position. Well seriously speaking, during the time I was quiet I used to consider so many times whether to resume writing or not. There are a lot of unfinished drafts also (which I have not opened even once after I finished writing them). Sometimes I used to feel there was nothing that inspired me any longer and at other times plain lazy. Kudos to people like radu and sugee who still are regular.

Right now Iam listening to a very poignant song sung by one of my favorite singers; reminds me of home sigh....Brings back memories of me getting up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee mixed with incense, with some sloka running in the background. Either Appa/Amma would have the newspaper and I would plead with them to get the crossword page. Usually I ended up leaving that page alone on the dining table fluttering in the fan breeze, that would later on elicit a rebuke from Amma (the stickler for perfection that she is). I would end it with a kiss on her cheek :) Now that Iam so far away from home, I realised how much of my mom's genes I have inherited, on the organisation front, that sometimes irritates others (like it used to irritate me back home ;))

Well I have to run now to rearrange my table. Its a mess. I cant find the things even I placed on it. Iam not going to advertise that I have comeback. Let me see how long it takes before the first comment pops up !!!!

Branches and Roots

2005-03-22T23:12:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked at a tree sans its leaves before?-I never have, until today, when I suddenly noticed something. There were these whole clump of trees, looking desolately heavenwards for their next supply of garb, I mean their leaves. They looked as if they were begging some unknown entity to give back what was rightfully theirs.

I noticed something else too. These bare branches look strikingly similar to their below-the-ground counterparts;I mean the roots. If there never were any leaves then they might have been mirror images of each other.

As I try to jog my mind for such similar images from where I come, I draw a blank. I never have seen a truly bare tree before in my 22 years of life. At my place, all the trees do, is to lazily change their coat from a bright green to a pale brown, without ever really shedding their leaves altogether.

I must have looked at them a million times before, but never really have paid close attention.It also didn't seem important.Sounds silly...huh. But it came as a surpirse to me. There are so many of these small things which we take for granted, for which we don't have time to spare, but things that set chugs of your brain in to motion.

PS: Well this blog was just food for thought.

Five years from now....

2005-03-22T00:54:00.000-05:00

I didn't realise that I had been staring blankly at the screen for the past half hour until my eyes started watering. Come to think of it I can't even make out what was going on in my mind :)

Somebody asked me a few days ago "Where do you see yourself five years from now?". If this question had been asked by a prospective employer at an interview, the answer would have been a well rehearsed rhetoric of how I would have progressed up the company's hierarchial ladder, contributing both to my personal development and the company's growth. Crap.... who would know what is going to happen tommorrow let alone in five years. Since this was my friend I gave a true,heartfelt, answer "I don't know". This is the truth.

Iam not getting philosophical here. In fact Iam being practical. During campus recruitment this apparently inane question used to be the litmus test. You could see the people waiting to be interviewed, frantically trying to get a personalised version of his/her friend's answer. Even I have done that. How many different ways can there be to satisfy a corporate executive's ego? They hear what they want to hear. But we cannot tell them what we want to. Can we?

All Iam sure of right now is that whatever I will be doing it would be something I like,something I choose. Very few people get to do what they like and I want to be in these privileged few. Quoting R, it is my need- and if I need something I would get it. It is in your power to do what you like. Making a few compromises in life is ok but let your life not become a huge compromise in itself.

Take a break...

2005-03-21T01:12:00.000-05:00

Hmmm. A new post has long been overdue and thanks to all those people who have been regularly visiting and nudging me to post. I really was busy for the past couple of weeks that I hardly had the time and energy to assimilate all that was going on around me. Anyways now that the spring break has started, I think atleast for a week the blogs would keep coming regularly.

I had mentioned earlier that my spring break has started. Spring "break" is really a misnomer. The professors break all records and load you with so much work that you feel, you were better off without the break. As such it is tough to slog during normal days, and worse still is to work during a break, when your mind keeps conjuring images of all things you could have done, had there been no work. Sigh....... There is work to be done and that too done fast.

Anyways atleast the first day of my spring break went off well. A trip to a nice place on a surprisingly warm day....Me and my friends went to a temple nearby(a visit that had been long pending). The highlight was the excellent food we had there.We knew that we would get good food there and it was part of the urge to go the temple ;). My taste buds had a gala time yesterday.

I was determined to splurge yesterday so unleashed all reigns and shopped like crazy. It felt good too.

Even after a long and exhausting day, I was determined to see my first day of the vacation off to a proper farewell. I came home at around midnight and proudly displayed all that I had bought during the day. Had a round table conference with my friends at the dinner table.I really wonder where I got all the energy from.

With the sights and sounds from the visit still running in my system I settled down in to my warm bed for a good night's sleep. And boy oh boy!! did I sleep well. I got up around noon today, feeling completely rejuvenated and up 'n ready for the week.

By the way does anyone remember anymore when the week starts and when it ends? Well for starters I don't. Every day just merges in to the chaos of the other with no difference. But yesterday was a thankful departure from the mundane. Once a while it is good to treat yourself to a break.

No Title.....

2005-03-06T12:35:00.000-05:00

I was going through my blogs yesterday and felt that most of them were laced with a tinge of frustration, acerbity and pathos. I wont say I regret it, but I wont say I intend them to be either. Its just that they come out this way.

Well I started writing this blog yesterday and half way through I had a writer's block ;). Then I decided to change the topic I was writing on. I changed track and decided to write about an incident that had happened when I was a kid, that affected me very deeply and continues to affect me to this day.

I hail from a small town and whenever my parents got some time for themselves we used to go to a nearby city to shop, eat and what not. We were the regular patrons of a restaurant and we even had our standard menu to order. It was one such day that the incident I mentioned occurred. We had not yet started eating. The person who came to clean our table was a small kid who was roughly of the same age as me.

There I was sitting like a pompous idiot in between my parents and in front of me was the kid in rags with lines of weariness etched on his face. I could tell that he had had a long day.For an instant our eyes met and I saw this deep longing on his eyes. For the first time, on that day, I felt ashamed and embarassed for being so privileged and well taken care of. I felt that I would have gladly swapped places with him-anything to quell the rising feeling of guilt within me.

I was young when this happened and I could not even begin to express my feelings to my parents. When I was old enough I asked my parents why life was so unfair. They told me that, that was the way life ran. Life moves on and so do people. I still wonder about life's prejudice-why it treats somebody so well and leaves some others to die in the streets.I have tried to reason this out rationally, logically and practically, but without any success.

So I keep telling myself that, I, in my own small way will contribute to set the scales right. I don't know how Iam going to accomplish this but I have this gut feeling that I will do it somehow-in my own small way.

Nothing good lasts forever...But enjoy it while it is there!

2005-03-02T20:01:00.000-05:00

There were a couple of things that were bothering me for the past few weeks. First there was my research in which I had a deadline to meet (the deadline was highly frayed due to a lot of extensions) and on top of that nothing was working properly. It was then that I realised why a PhD takes such a long time to complete. It is science after all and it is illegal for you to expect everything to go as you wish. It was in a way good also because I finally for sure, knew that Iam a very impatient person. (If I needed something, I had to have it immediately). So now that I know, I can work towards improving my levels of tolerance and patience because I need it badly over the next few years at least.

Secondly I had two midterms coming. And I had not started any serious studying till then. I mean serious, in comparison with the my last semester where I studied really hard. I believe strongly that you will only get something if you work for it. Luck and fluke have never worked for me. So naturally I was apprehensive about the exams.

But it was like a vent opening up yesterday. My exams went well and finally after a long and despairing wait something good happened to my experiments. I had never laughed from my heart for the past couple of weeks. But when I went back home yesterday I laughed. I had a much needed and long chat with my friends(we talk crap but it feels good to talk crap ;)). It was a really good atmosphere back home yesterday. I enjoyed every moment of it. I wanted it to go on forever.

I know nothing good lasts forever. But recharge your batteries while it is there, because you dont know when you will get the opportunity again to laugh again heartily.

My Roots......

2005-02-27T04:01:00.000-05:00

Since Iam so far away from home I frequently think about home and how much I miss it. All the time I was there I didn't realise that it meant so much to me. Some times I feel why even Iam here. Why dont I leave everything and go back. But a small voice inside me tells me that I am here because I wanted to be here-nobody forced me. I came of my own accord to pursue my dreams, to become what I had wanted to become all along.I agree coming here was a big gamble. But is life itself not a bigger gamble?

Anyways why I even started this discussion about home was because I was thinking about people who decide to stay back here in this alien country- forever. I have to agree that Iam not that brave. Also is there even a justifiable enough reason to do this? Dont these people ever feel that they owe their country something? Even if it is very small let it be...Dont they feel that they have some unfulfilled responsiblities and commitments back home. By commitments I do not mean their familial ties.

I didnt know that my country was in to manpower export. And that too export to a country that is already self sufficient in all aspects.WHY? This is the the question that looms up ominously and never ever seems to fade.

Is the lure of money so strong that, you would forget a place that you have spent most of your life growing up?And I would not take crap like "There are no growth opportunities here".There sure are buddy. It is jsut that you either have not opened your eyes to it or you are too thickheaded for that.

That being said you might think why Iam here.Iam here for a purpose and I have every intention of returning to where I belong once Iam done.

And as a footnote I would like to add a few clarifications ;) to my last blog. Well the Stockholm event was nothing but the Nobel Prize ceremony. And the friend whom I was refering to was none other than you Ms.Radhika. Thanx for the compliments.

I guess this has been my longest of blogs. Let me stop drawing from my thought well now lest it not run dry till I get back next time.

SN(NOOOOOO)WWWWW not again

2005-02-24T23:00:00.000-05:00

well well well...look who is here.Iam kinda happy today cos after a long time we got good results from our experiments.By we I mean myself and my other lab partners. We were actually joking that we would get ourselves nice suits for going to Stockholm. It is not even one experiment and we dont even know whether the results are reproducible, and look at us.... Still we have something to go on. And at present it looks good.

It has been snowing real hard for the past four hours. The way it is snowing now looks like we'll be snowed in.Whatever happened to my dreams of the spring sunshine boo hoo.

Snow is something which I have been never exposed to before, in my 22 years of life. You think you have seen it all and one day you see this curtain of white descending down from the sky...I mean I sure as hell dont remember my first feelings towards rain or sunshine, but snow-I think I will be able to recollect my exact thought process, my initial feeling towards the first snow dust that descended on my head. It felt like something had come down straight from the heaven(I have no idea as to how heaven is,but I have this gut feeling that whatever is there, it sure is good). I got this rising feeling of warmth(despite the cold;)) and a feeling a well-being looking at it. I used to joke to a friend of mine that winter was going to be very bleak and dull. But I retract my statement. It is indeed beautiful.

Guess a lot has been said and discussed about snow.This would be my record of thoughts for posterity.

Midterms coming up.Gotta go and study. And after all I have to go and buy my suit for the Stockholm event ;) C ya then bye.

hmmmm....coffee

2005-02-19T11:45:00.000-05:00

I just woke up and as is my usual habit, had coffee. A day without this fuel feels incomplete. Also those who are not used to having coffee, I feel they are missing something. The feel of the hot liquid coursing down your mouth...hmmmm its jus sheer pleasure and people who have not experienced this cannot appreciate it. I believe this is the perfect way to start a day.

Whenever I think of home one of the things that immediately comes to my mind is the aroma I used to wake up to everyday. Mom would have just brewed the perfect coffee. By the time I freshened myself up the most perfect coffee would be ready, sitting on the dining table, puffing steam waiting for me to come and taste it. The first sip is always the most important one, take a deep swig and savor it in ur mouth and in ur soul and then gulp, there it goes. I should add with shame that I have nowhere neared that perfection level for making coffee as my mom. She never lets me hav the secret ingredients though ;).

Sigh.. anyways.It feels good to have written something about coffee. Iam sure I have not done full justice to it but atleast, in my own small way I have contributed to its immortality. These words of mine would be permanently etched in the pages of the electronic media.Feels good....Long Live Coffee!!!

Procrastination is a sin..

2005-02-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

Hmmm.. this almost had to be renamed to 18th feb. I was almost in to that lazy realm again. But pulled myself back again and said "hey you said you would do this today.donot postpone it". Procrastination(hope i got the spelling right) is a sin. This is my tagline for today. Things that need to be done today have to be done today. Otherwise it reflects on your indecision and disinterestedness.Too much phil at one time also is not good for health. Ok now let me steer the topic to something lighter. Planning to go to the tanger trip this weekend. Let me see how things work out with my studies.You know wat this semester seems much lighter than the previous one. Wonder why ....either iam taking things lightly or maybe the courses themselves are light.cant judge which one it is.anyways i like the research now so much better that i dont like going and attending classes. didnt do much research today. but finally got around ordering our computers that we need for our lab and also a chemical that i would need for my work to proceed.that pretty much sums up my day.seems didnt do much at all today. but planning to come in real early to the lab tomm so that i can do some solid work.okie then.till my next blog(which i hope will be real soon) byeeeeeee!!!!!!

My First Blog

2005-02-15T22:18:00.000-05:00

hiya there,
Well I have always wanted to maintain a diary, but never got around doing it -damn my laziness. Writing a diary is like pouring your soul out,in to a sheet of paper literally. At the end of the day writing a few lines about the day gone past actually helps in a way. You can take time to view things in a way you had never imagined before. Also it kinda makes you feel lighter.

Sometimes all the words just come tumbling out in no specific order just as it is happening now. There is no coherency in what Iam writing but it still strangely feels satisfying. To see my own words flash past in the screen with no apparent recipient in mind...it is a different feeling altogether.

So my future blogs will provide immense intellectual satisfaction and moral enchantment to whoever is reading it ........he he he crap....am just kidding. This is just my way of calling it a day. The turmoil of emotions that anybody goes through in a day is worth recording I believe.

Guess this is enough for a first blog. Keep checking, for I promise to keep posting.....